Meeting a person is an important occasion. Whether the person is there for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Growing up, we were taught to be polite when greeting and meeting people. This politeness is usually quite genuine over the first few times you meet and chat.
But, the more you engage, the politeness tends to start transforming into something else.
Not everyone exercises this politeness though. It is more of a moral standard to which some adhere. Others, not so much. The defiant usually being the self entitled, prideful or plain fearful in nature.
Others don't, because they are simply just self aware and confident in their identities.
They give you the factory version of themselves in bulk from the get go. No need for shiny wrappings, bells or whistles. An admirable thing if agreeable, unoffensive nor filled with effrontery tendencies.
Either way, what makes meeting a person and having them around in your life significant, is the value they stand to or actually add to your life experience. In various aspects of life.
The world systems say that people must be qualified and competent in order to be eligible for a job interview; aimed at filling a specific position within an organisation.
Imagine applying a version of this principle to relationships?
There's a verse in the Holy Bible that says:
If God be for us, who can be against us?
As humans, we have been taught or conditioned with some not so effective socialisation standards.
When we meet people, our opening lines, tend to ask things that are vague or irrelevant. The resulting answers? We are unwilling or unable to even handle.
This makes social encounters to be rather awkward.
We often mindlessly roll out answers to various habitual greetings. Rather boring ones too. Truth or relevance being rather sketchy.
Where did these socialisation models come from?
Who archives this information in this day and age?
South African greetings.
Hello. Hello. How are you. I'm fine thanks and how are you? I'm fine.
Hello. Hello. Hoe gaan dit? Dit gaan goed en met jou? Goed dankie.
Sawubona. Yebo sawubona. Unjani? Ngiyaphila wena? Nami ngiyaphila.
Aweeh? Aweeh.
Hholla? Hholla. Fede?
Roboticly executed mostly, without much depth, understanding of origin or meaning.
But anyway...
There are multitudes of other forms of greetings in Mzansi and around the world. I still wonder how these came about, making them to become socially acceptable and traditional.
I can almost understand standardized greetings for the first few encounters. But, thereafter, the conversations must mature in some or other areas. Specifically in the areas we ask after one's wellbeing.
So, the Word says in one of the most quoted scriptures:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jer 29:11
Knowing who you are engaging with at first, successive and reflective encounters is rather important. I'd say.
Jeremiah 29:11 being true, whoever you meet. For however long. Their role or contribution must be in alignment with this intention that God Almighty has for you.
Relationship pitching, probation, monitoring and evaluation are important and must testify to the Jeremiah 29:11 promises.
Why is it then that this alignment is barely present or questioned in our greetings?
More specifically in the how are you
Why must it be so short, general and so neatly packed. Relationships and life are so big and valuable.
Not so long ago, I saw the following post on LinkedIn.
One of the great mistakes is to judge policies and programs by their intentions rather than their results. - Milton Friedman
Quite insightful Mr Friedman. The same reasoning can be applied to various habitual or traditional practices we as humans do. One such being our greetings.
The Holy Bible version of what Milton is saying is:
"You shall know a tree by its fruits."
Illustrative Story Time
Say you go to a farm where you meet a tree. It's not yet harvest time. You have no previous knowledge of the tree.
External influences are negligible. The ground conditions are ideal for the tree's growth.
You are asked to name and define the tree, for future knowledge, use and benefit. What would you do and how do you go about that?
Well, you can do so by observing the tree. Engaging with it and relating to it. Actively or passively.
With continued encounters or engagement, fruit start popping. The tree introduces you to a different dimension of its being.
A surprise really in the absence of previous knowledge of its fruit bearing nature.
So, by looking at the fruit, you are either enticed to taste one or not. How you name and define the fruit that you see and taste, comes from within you.
This new experience adds substance to how you had previously named and defined the tree; pre-harvest time.
Harvest time ends and the tree is back to just being a tree. Stripped. You on the other hand, have a heightened perspective of the tree. This is based on both its pre and post harvest times.
Your personal experience with the tree and its fruit shifts your perspective from it just being a tree, to a fruit bearing tree.
Your appreciation grows due to the tree's exhibited behaviours. Be it instantaneous, seasonal or holistic.
Extended periods of relating with the fruit tree develops pre-emptive behaviours from you. Expectation, patience, trust and appreciation.
These behaviours are elements of what has become a full on relationship between you and the tree.
So, each encounter or engagement with the tree, needs to reflect the nature of the relationship. A nature built by experience, authenticity or mutuality.
How then can I greet a complete stranger in the exact same manner as a friend, a colleague, an enemy or a brother? How can that be?
Are the current greetings effective and fixed standards?
If so, how and where?
What were they founded upon? What would you say is the purpose of greeting? Do you observe this or not? At what point in greeting is the nature of the relationship evident?
It would be interesting to know their bases for the many languages and cultures around the world.
Saying hello can be so bland. Not as colorfully as some of the vernacular counterparts.
I can understand for a very first encounter without previous associations. I can see it being intentionally used in guarded or tense relationships.
But not for seasoned relationships.
Many have claimed that they knew their spouses were the ONE at first sight.
A famous movie line of the 20th century is:
You had me at Hello!
Surely then, the same reasoning can be applied to knowing who a person is from the onset.
Are they for you or against you and God's will for your life?
The sooner you know, the better. Intentional engagement is wisdom.
Pray without ceasing. Ask the Almighty Father to reveal to you things you need to know.
Delayed awareness builds or shows character. Retrospective awareness is a testimony for the glory of God.
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