I saw the above picture on Twitter a few weeks ago.
I saved it after a good laugh with a friend or two over it. It is really funny how the one who created it, gave the caption it has. The relating of the picture to a love burnt beyond repairs is quite the metaphor.
Today however, I had a different feeling when I saw this picture. It made me think of human relationships. Marriage. Friendships. Relatives. Colleagues. Acquaintances. And yes even church folk.
Relationships are biblical and a reality.
Emnity is a relationship status - Imagine?
Anyway, the truth is: some relationships do sadly run their course and reach a point where sustaining them is just no longer doable.
Don't get me wrong. This is not some bitter or vindictive post. I just reflected on a few past relationships after seeing this picture today. It almost made me sad but I quickly changed to realising a need for a relationship audit. Past and present for future benefit.
Take a friendship for example.
Two friends who loved and shared almost everything find themselves drifting appart because some hurt and disappointments have happened. They find themselves at a point where they do not spend as much time together as before. The phone calls have become scarce. The lunch dates are none. Milestone sharing has reduced to obsessive considerations of "Should I? Shouldn't I?"
By this point, the next best thing becomes publishing a milestone or achievement on Instagram or Facebook or simply a WhatsApp status. Secretly hoping that the "friend-by-the-fence" sees the post. Likes it if still somewhat reminiscent. Comments if in denial of the status of the dwindling relationship.
Reality is:
The longer relationship issues, hurt and offences are not brought up and spoken of, that relationship will suffer. It will burn slowly and painfully to a state much like the two plate stove in the picture. Just left to burn and burn and burn and burn some more. Not a pot in sight. Not a cook overlooking a simmering meal. Not a diner awaiting a warm meal at the table.
Everything and everyone have been snatched off the scene.
Bit by bit.
Day by day.
Too hurt or proud to properly switch off or at least un-plug from the wall.
Until when?
Until the picture above. A two plate stove with disfigured elements. A plug that's melted and cables unusable. The little stove is charred beyond recognition.
The relationship is good only for the dumpsite.
"Might as well!" Boasts a rejected and wounded spirit.
"But is it really...." Says Hope.
The two friends have moved on to other kitchens. Other tables. Different cuisine maybe. Day by day, they are filled and spoiled for choice; lacking nothing.
Time goes by, the yearning for that specific meal made by the charred stove, is a distant memory.
"Was never palatable anyway" - suggests unforgiveness.
"Allergy inducing even" - echoes eager adaptability.
Most times it is not a distant memory but a nagging craving of the heart that learns to master substitution and eventually enjoying replacements. Coping mechanism for one DONE...
For as long as the hurt, offence and justification outweigh the yearning or need for that lost meal - the other friend just walks away. Never to return to that kitchen. Drastic measures.... Served!
So what makes other relationships reconcile and others not?
I have no idea. Citing maturity is narrow mindedness. The natural answer then becomes - God. Other options, I am not going to indulge. If God wants to reconcile what is seemingly beyond repairs, He will! He does that. He resurrects even - Hello Lazarus! Dry bones heard the word of the Lord.
Jesus is the living testimony.
Back to the stove example. How can one handle a situation like the picture above? Being asked: Let's fix things.
As a decent human being - read Child of God - you should consider the request and pray about it.
Don't shoot from the hip with suppressed anger or latent hurt. At least try not to. Your very best. Ignoring or deleting the request from your phone does not mean it was not made. We all have that thing called memory. It comes in both long and short term forms.
So..... You are human and you have feelings. If you also know God and His nature, you might want to sincerely consider the idea and pray for guidance!!! Yes. That simple...once you are over the initial shock and pride - Pray! Take as long as you need. Then...
Approach the other person. Pray an honest prayer about the situation and meeting. Both of you. Be transparent (honest) about willingness, perceived limitations of self and circumstances and other misgivings.
Honestly assess the condition of the two plate. Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other that you may be healed. Oh and for the will of God to be done. That is important.
Whatever options are available to you and you know off; that can help in fixing a brokenness of this magnitude. If clueless, pray some more. Try not to be unnecessarily over zealous at this point. Don't publicise things also. Spirits, souls, futures and generations are at stake here. Tread carefully and most of all respectfully.
Can you fix the whole two plate stove via DIY or just some parts of it? Then, invest in the parts required for the DIY portion. Try and try and try until it is fixed.
If you can't DIY or you have tried and it is not working - that is ok and allowable. As long as you gave your best effort. So, talk some more. Pray some more. Then send the poor stove to its original equipment manufacturer. God. For counsel, wisdom, direction or overhaul. One way or the other, all things will work out for good. As long as you love God and are called according to His purpose. Be it individually or together.
Feel what needs to be felt. Express what needs to expressed. Not for harm but edification and encouragement. God leads and directs as long as you trust in Him, lean not on your own understanding AND acknowledge Him throughout the process. God's direction will come in ways fitting and unique to your situation. No one size fit all here. He is a God who tailor makes to precision.
After some time, trial and error, giving up and back again, complete obedience; the stove is FIXED! Haleluya.
At this point, I would just PRAISE the Lord. Why? Because He has showed again that nothing is impossible for Him! Obviaaaas!
Now this is the part where you can honeslty ask what is next.
During the fixing process some light may have come on your next intentions or desires post a fixed two plate stove. God works everything for your good. Even things you did not know about. He knows the end from the beginning, so He will align.
Trust. Believe. Obey. Honesty with self and the other person too is key. Oh, and the granted wisdom for your situation.
Stop being so scared. Perfect love casts out fear. The love God has for you.
Also, let the hope for yours and the next person's wholeness keep you sincere and committed to seeing this through. Remain in power, love and the soundness of mind. Do not deceive in intention. Why would you do that now?
So, what next?
Only God knows or you could try deciding. What do you genuinely feel and want? Talk about it and take it from there. Decide, try it and stick to it.
Whether the decision is to:
Sell the refurnished stove and move on seperately and peacably.
Try to cook one meal and see where it leads. Easy does it.... Ground rules here before you fall straight back into old routines. Check with each other at each small step. Before and after the step. Permission asking. Trust building. Yep, back to basics. You need to. Well, have to, for best results. Don't just resume and onward!
Sell the stove and buy a bigger one with four plates and an oven - upgrade because we do grow and needs adjust seasonally.
Basically, agree on a move forward and pray and God will be in your midst. Try also believing that He is among you both. Hold God to his word. That is respectfully allowed and He is faithful to perform His word. Trust me!
All in all, what I am trying to say is:
Try not to leave a trail of brokenness in your past.
Engage fully in the process of fixing the stove. You can then move on peacably to what ever the next phase is - one step at a time.
You fix so that the stove is usable to you or the next person. You fix so that when you meet again, there are no hard feelings. You are able to genuinely be cordial in your greetings.
Why should you bother? Because it is better to leave another as you found them or in a better state. People are not consumables.
Human beings are NOT BUBBLE GUM.
You are to love your neighbour as yourself. By the same measure you use, it will be measured against you. If that is not reason enough, then
Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. - Ecclesiastes 3:15
So, your broken relationship may be new and unique to you.
But it's not to God. Trust Him. Tell Him. Ask Him. Give it to Him. Rather.... Account to Him for what has passed. He sees and knows everything anyway. Just account, truthfully so. For your healing and that of the other person.
God does not judge as He sees nor decides as He hears- Isaiah 11:3.
Try Him out.
Yes, in the real world. Which He made by the way. So yes, try Him out.
So, stop being unnecessarily messy.... Stop causing avoidable bitterness and scarring. If you can't be real and humble enough to try fixing the stove, once you see the mess you co-caused, then try your best not to harm with your words or deeds.
Check yourself too. There is a log in that eye of yours.
Let it matter that you need to be able to give an account to God. What accountant do you want to be? The one who cooks the books or gives a truthful report?
God is waaaay better than the best movie Dad you have ever seen, movie ever made or to be made. He cares way more than you think.
All the best mate..... Genuine!
Think about it. That one relationship.... Think deeper. That very one relationship.
Give God a try.
Let us NORMALISE genuine apologies, reconcilliation efforts and mending our ways. Don't go out seeking trouble though. Seek healing and wholeness. Yours and the next person's.
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